Complaints of a Clinic Cat

By Scott Lackenby | Dated September 21, 2016

Hey everyone! As you know, I have been on yet another diet. Which, can I just add, according to the scales, is going well. But if you ask my tummy, it’s going terribly.  I really think it’s  unfair I’m  being forced to conform to someone else’s version of an ideal weight. I mean, I was only a few hundred grams over 5kg, it’s not like I was kilos over. And even though  the numbers on the scales are moving in the right direction, I am still not allowed to celebrate my achievements with cake.

And just when I think my life can’t get ANY worse, I am being forced to wear this. That’s right people, not only I am being starved I am being publicly ridiculed. I am pretty sure this can be considered cruel and unusual punishment. So, what’s the reason behind this stupid collar? Well, as you know, big cats like Lions are amazingly efficient hunters. Like my big wild cousins, I too enjoy a spot of hunting. Due to the lack of Zebra and Antelope on the North Shore, my prey of choice is lizards. Skinks  to be exact. Now, the GVH humans were getting a little tired of disposing of the departed lizards, I don’t eat them, that would be against the rules of my diet. So they decided to try out this collar. It’s from a company called Birds Be Safe. The idea is that the brightly coloured collar stops us from being the stealthy ninja hunters that we are as it alerts the birds to our presence. Pretty cool, right? And if my prey of choice was birds, the collar would no doubt be a roaring success. There is however, a small problem for the GVH humans. Lizards are colour  blind, so they therefore are not alerted by my ridiculous collar.

Still handsome with this ridiculous thing on

But not one to crush the hopes of my humans, I resisted the hunting urge for four days. Just when they were all thinking that they had cured me, I caught a lizard. And I brought it home. And I let it go. In reception. The lizard ran under the food stand.And there he still is. The food stand is made of metal and is holding a few hundred kilos of food which makes it a little tricky to disassemble. Hopefully while they are doing that, they will think twice about embarrassing me with ridiculous collars. And they’ll buy me a cake. Check mate GVH humans. Meows for now, love Joey xox